Today I walked out of the teacher’s office during 4th period to see a line of desks where teachers were talking with students one-on-one. I asked my vice principal what was happening, and he explained to me that the students were consulting with the teachers about which high school they could attended based on their current test scores. In Japan where you go to high school determines where you can go to college. Even though most of the schools are public, there are “good schools” and “bad schools.” It made me so sad to watch my 14 and 15 year old students sitting there, knowing that their academic performance up to this point, and the decision they make now, will effect the course of their life. Each decision effects our life, of course, but there isn’t much of a chance for redemption or grace in this system. If you have had a hard time thus far, you go to the “bad” school, which will make it impossible to get into a good university. If you decide in high school that you really want to try, and you want to do your best, its kind of too late. A lot has already been decided for you. You’re at the “bad school,” tough luck. I'm not the only one that thinks the system puts undue pressure on these kids at too early an age. I got to have a really wonderful conversation with my vice principal about the pressure the system puts on students, problems in the American school system, moral deterioration in Japanese society, human nature and ultimately the meaning of and need for grace.
I’ve been working with the special ed class a bit this week, and it has continued to remind me of how great God’s love for us is. Theses students can’t do anything. They aren’t useful to society by traditional standards. But they are people. They are made in God’s very image. And they are perfectly loved and treasured by their creator. (I think Henry Nouwen got it right). Goodbye pressure to perform. Goodbye feelings of worthlessness if I mess up. I’m loved completely, extravagantly, and passionately by God. Even if I screw up. Even when I make mistakes. Maybe especially then? His compassion is so deep and He understands our frailty and need for grace. Even in my successes I need grace, and He gives it. I wish somehow I could let my students know how completely they are loved! Not so that they would stop trying to learn because they no longer need to perform, but so they could learn in security and live in confidence that their worth is not based on their academic performance or the prestige of their school.
Everything in the school system is so different. Yesterday I was reflecting on what life looks like here, and I honestly felt like if I was air dropped here for the first time, I would feel like I was on a different planet. It’s starting to feel like home though.
Some parts of this school system wonderful. For example, in Japanese schools, there are no janitors, so the students clean the school everyday. Cleaning time is so much fun!! I just finished doing the Japanese version of “mopping,” zokin. Place a rag on the floor, put both your hands on it, stick your but up in the air, and then run forward in that position pushing the rag in front of you across the floor. Japanese people are super good at it, but I really really suck... I always either slip or get stuck. Today I raced a bunch of my girls doing zokin. I lost AND fell and went sliding across the floor. It was so great, the whole hall was laughing. And it gave them a perfect opportunity to use their latest grammatical structure, “Is it difficult for you to use zokin?” One of the girls even told me in English, "Now you are a real Japanese girl!" There is a much stronger sense of community among students here than in the States. It's really beautiful.
However, this group identity leads to a stifled sense of self. I sit right next to one of the phones in the teacher’s room, which is wonderful for “listening practice” (aka eavesdropping). ;P My first day at school I heard this conversation between a teacher and one of the students fathers:
“Hello, this is so and so from Oike Junior High School. Is this so and so’s father?... I was calling about so and so’s hair color. Summer break just ended and his hair is a little bit brown… oh… his hair was always a little bit brown…?... Well, it was black last semester…Oh, he dyed it black last semester?... Well, do you think you could get him to dye it black again?”
As the Japanese proverb says, 出るくいは打たれる, the nail the sticks out will be pounded down.
Anyways, I love it here, but there are things I hate here (maybe that’s why I’m here?). I hate that one of my 8th grades doesn’t want to go to high school at all because he doesn’t think he is smart enough to get into a good school, so why bother. I hate that some of the seats I sit in at lunch are empty because the students refuse to come to school already (futoko). But I love the warmth the teachers and vice principal here extend to me. I love the joy with which the students greet me in the halls. I love the curiosity that they have about my world. I love the way the students care for one another. I love the deep conversations I can have with the Japanese teachers. I love zokin races down the hall at cleaning time. I love it here.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
The Kingdom of Heaven is like…
"The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.”
Matthew 13:44
God gave me this verse before I left the States, and he keeps speaking it to me over and over here, in this new country.
As I continue to settle here, God keeps telling me to “go sell all I have.” My attachment to home country, my obsession with my friends, my desire to be close to family, my ability to function as a normal and literate member of society, my false idea that I can somehow control my own future. Go sell it all, and buy the one thing, the one being, who is worth everything.
I was listening to one of my favorite professor’s radio interview the other day, and he reminded me again that the choice to follow Jesus entails a complete surrender, a surrender that is effective every second of my life, and demands that every inch of my heart and every ounce of my will belong to Him. I don't call the shots anymore.
God is challenging me to surrender the last pieces of my heart that I have kept from Him. The piece of me that wants to have an out if the calling has placed on my life doesn’t turn out to be so “fun.” The fear that I am going to be alone, and lonely in this country. He wants it all on the table. But! He is worth it. Jesus is the treasure.
"Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.”
Matt. 13:45-46
And it was worth it.
With all that to say, I am starting to get settled here!
Students:
I have been teaching for a few weeks now, and love my job! I love the students and love being a part of their lives, even though there are 1,300+ of them and I have no hope of ever remembering all their names. I’m making progress though!
Teachers:
I’ve also been bonding really well with the teachers I work with, both the English teachers and the other teachers. This past week Thursday was a national holiday and the school nurse from one of my junior highs that I hadn’t been to in two weeks called to invite me to a barbecue with her friends. She ended up coming over to my apartment afterward and we talked about life and God and dreams and issues that students have for more than 4 hours. She’s 25, so were pretty close in age, and I have a feeling we will be good friends. J I go out to dinner with one of my other teachers at least once a week. I’m becoming very good friends with the vice principal at one of my schools.
Small Group:
I’ve got a small group of Japanese girls in their 20s that meets at my apartment once a week. Its really difficult to meet cause we have to try to find a different night each week when people are off work, so it ranges from two to three of us, although there are quite a few others that want to come. They are all Christians, but some of them can’t go to church because of work. One of my girlies’ dads is a pastor, but some drama went down and the church, and he ended up leaving. Two of my girls are from that church, and haven’t been to any church in over half a year. Needless to say, they are at various places in their walk with God. Most of them are dating non-Christian boys (which is not surprising when the church in this country is 90% female). I would greatly appreciate your prayers for my girls! That the Lord would heal their wounded hearts and pour His love out on them in a way that they can understand and receive it. Also, if you could pray for wisdom for me, that I would be able to gently encourage them and lead them deeper into His heart. And if you could pray for my language ability, that would be great! It’s kinda tricky trying to talk about some of these things with my lack of vocab and illiteracy. But God has been gracious to me so far, and we have been able to talk about some deep stuff and pray for one another.
Church:
I finally settled on a church. It’s tiny (like 15-20) and super stoked to have me! The pastor and his family are really excited about introducing me to a lot of the community members and making opportunities for me to share God’s love with the people here.
Friends:
I still love my coworkers very much! And am building some friendships with Japanese girls in the community I have met in various ways. Today I went to a little coffee shop up in the mountains with a Japanese friend, and then we walked around and looked at a temple. She was actually the one that wanted to talk about religion, and we got to share our beliefs with each other. The temple was a place where you are supposedly able to ask a god for something you want after you walk around a certain rock 100 times. I got to tell her about how I can talk to God whenever, and He hears me because of Jesus. She was surprised that I could talk to God without being in a church building!
I had a three-day weekend last weekend, so I went to Tokyo and got to meet a ton of Japanese friends and international student friends from when I was on study abroad in 2007. It was sooooooo good! It felt like being home. And when I got back to Mie, it also felt like coming home in a way. I think that the trip was a really good choice to remind myself that I am not in a completely new country, and that God has been establishing me here and preparing me for this since before I came to this country my first time when I was 16.
I also made a new friend who has been a missionary here for a few years and just started studying at Tokyo Christian University (TCU). Long story sort: he is my German friend from TCU in 2007’s German friend from high school’s American husband’s little brother’s YWAM teammate… and we just ran into each other randomly at TCU’s cafeteria. It's the first time I met someone who could really understand all my experiences in this country. We’re both pretty thankful to have a friend to vent to and be encouraged by that actually understands why we are here, as well the intricacies of being an American, Japanese speaking Christian with a heart for the gospel, youth and the Japanese church.
Oh, there is so much more I could say!! But I am already on page three… so I’ll stop for your sake.
Please keep me in your prayers! I need wisdom, language ability, and stability of soul to keep moving onward and upward in my own life and in my interactions with the beautiful people in this country. Thanks for partnering with me on the journey!
PS I’m not allowed to post any pictures of my students online because of Japanese gov. privacy regulation, but I am totally allowed to e-mail them, so if you want to see, send me your email address! brown.k.michelle@gmail.com
Matthew 13:44
God gave me this verse before I left the States, and he keeps speaking it to me over and over here, in this new country.
As I continue to settle here, God keeps telling me to “go sell all I have.” My attachment to home country, my obsession with my friends, my desire to be close to family, my ability to function as a normal and literate member of society, my false idea that I can somehow control my own future. Go sell it all, and buy the one thing, the one being, who is worth everything.
I was listening to one of my favorite professor’s radio interview the other day, and he reminded me again that the choice to follow Jesus entails a complete surrender, a surrender that is effective every second of my life, and demands that every inch of my heart and every ounce of my will belong to Him. I don't call the shots anymore.
God is challenging me to surrender the last pieces of my heart that I have kept from Him. The piece of me that wants to have an out if the calling has placed on my life doesn’t turn out to be so “fun.” The fear that I am going to be alone, and lonely in this country. He wants it all on the table. But! He is worth it. Jesus is the treasure.
"Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.”
Matt. 13:45-46
And it was worth it.
With all that to say, I am starting to get settled here!
Students:
I have been teaching for a few weeks now, and love my job! I love the students and love being a part of their lives, even though there are 1,300+ of them and I have no hope of ever remembering all their names. I’m making progress though!
Teachers:
I’ve also been bonding really well with the teachers I work with, both the English teachers and the other teachers. This past week Thursday was a national holiday and the school nurse from one of my junior highs that I hadn’t been to in two weeks called to invite me to a barbecue with her friends. She ended up coming over to my apartment afterward and we talked about life and God and dreams and issues that students have for more than 4 hours. She’s 25, so were pretty close in age, and I have a feeling we will be good friends. J I go out to dinner with one of my other teachers at least once a week. I’m becoming very good friends with the vice principal at one of my schools.
Small Group:
I’ve got a small group of Japanese girls in their 20s that meets at my apartment once a week. Its really difficult to meet cause we have to try to find a different night each week when people are off work, so it ranges from two to three of us, although there are quite a few others that want to come. They are all Christians, but some of them can’t go to church because of work. One of my girlies’ dads is a pastor, but some drama went down and the church, and he ended up leaving. Two of my girls are from that church, and haven’t been to any church in over half a year. Needless to say, they are at various places in their walk with God. Most of them are dating non-Christian boys (which is not surprising when the church in this country is 90% female). I would greatly appreciate your prayers for my girls! That the Lord would heal their wounded hearts and pour His love out on them in a way that they can understand and receive it. Also, if you could pray for wisdom for me, that I would be able to gently encourage them and lead them deeper into His heart. And if you could pray for my language ability, that would be great! It’s kinda tricky trying to talk about some of these things with my lack of vocab and illiteracy. But God has been gracious to me so far, and we have been able to talk about some deep stuff and pray for one another.
Church:
I finally settled on a church. It’s tiny (like 15-20) and super stoked to have me! The pastor and his family are really excited about introducing me to a lot of the community members and making opportunities for me to share God’s love with the people here.
Friends:
I still love my coworkers very much! And am building some friendships with Japanese girls in the community I have met in various ways. Today I went to a little coffee shop up in the mountains with a Japanese friend, and then we walked around and looked at a temple. She was actually the one that wanted to talk about religion, and we got to share our beliefs with each other. The temple was a place where you are supposedly able to ask a god for something you want after you walk around a certain rock 100 times. I got to tell her about how I can talk to God whenever, and He hears me because of Jesus. She was surprised that I could talk to God without being in a church building!
I had a three-day weekend last weekend, so I went to Tokyo and got to meet a ton of Japanese friends and international student friends from when I was on study abroad in 2007. It was sooooooo good! It felt like being home. And when I got back to Mie, it also felt like coming home in a way. I think that the trip was a really good choice to remind myself that I am not in a completely new country, and that God has been establishing me here and preparing me for this since before I came to this country my first time when I was 16.
I also made a new friend who has been a missionary here for a few years and just started studying at Tokyo Christian University (TCU). Long story sort: he is my German friend from TCU in 2007’s German friend from high school’s American husband’s little brother’s YWAM teammate… and we just ran into each other randomly at TCU’s cafeteria. It's the first time I met someone who could really understand all my experiences in this country. We’re both pretty thankful to have a friend to vent to and be encouraged by that actually understands why we are here, as well the intricacies of being an American, Japanese speaking Christian with a heart for the gospel, youth and the Japanese church.
Oh, there is so much more I could say!! But I am already on page three… so I’ll stop for your sake.
Please keep me in your prayers! I need wisdom, language ability, and stability of soul to keep moving onward and upward in my own life and in my interactions with the beautiful people in this country. Thanks for partnering with me on the journey!
PS I’m not allowed to post any pictures of my students online because of Japanese gov. privacy regulation, but I am totally allowed to e-mail them, so if you want to see, send me your email address! brown.k.michelle@gmail.com
Sunday, September 5, 2010
First Days of School
I’m a teacher. It's weird to realize that I am the teacher now when I have been a student all my life. It’s strange because I don’t feel strange. I don’t really feel any different at all standing at the front of the class. I just feel like me… BUT I LOVE IT!
I’ve been at my main school, Oike Junior High, for three days now. I have 16 classes, totaling around 850 students. I am the only foreigner and the only native English speaker, so being there is quite an experience!
To be able to fully convey what my experience has been like, I need to tell you about the American that had my job at my school before me… I hate to talk poorly about someone I have never met, but my experiences there are directly linked to him in a way… so I’ll just stay it straight. My predecessor was a 41 years old 6 foot +, 300 pound + American male. He wanted to pocket the money that the Board of Education gives us for transportation, so he would ride his bike for about an hour to get to Oike, and show up literally soaked with sweat. We were specifically instructed to not eat junk food in front of the students, but he would walk around the school chugging a 2 liter coke every day (eating or drinking while walking is very rude in Japanese culture). From what the teachers and vice principle have told me, he didn’t work hard or care much about being involved with the students. So pretty much no matter what I do here, I am golden in everyone’s eyes.
The beginning of the semester opening ceremony was my first day at Oike. I had to make a speech to the whole school in English, and was told to translate for myself into Japanese. As I walked over to the gym for the ceremony, I felt like I was in a parade. All of the students were crowded into the corridor and would stare at me, smile at me, wave at me, shout “hello” or talk to each other in Japanese about me screaming things like, “Gyyyaaa! KAWAII!” (Ohhh! She’s so cute!) Made me feel like a million bucks, that's for sure. As I sat in the back of the ceremony looking around at all the students, I almost cried. I was so excited to finally be here! After all these years of prep, prayer, and following God’s direction in my life, these were the students I am being entrusted with for this year.
The following day I began teaching. I walked into my classroom, and one of the girls sitting up front turned around and yelled to the rest of the class in Japanese, “Oh my gosh! She’s so much better than the other teacher!” I started laughing, of course. Then all the students started murmuring to themselves, “OH! She understand, she understands!” Nice way to start out my teaching carrier. My first lesson for every class I teach is my self-introduction lesson. I have blown up, laminated, and attached magnets to a bunch of pictures of things in my life. Family, friends, places I’ve traveled, my hometown, hobbies, languages I’ve studies, etc. I try to make them interact as much as possible, asking them if they have siblings too, or having them guess things about me. I’ve discovered the “How old am I?” question is quite dangerous. I’ve gotten 37, and even 50 as answers! I have a picture of me as a baby, and the students always freak out when I show it and start asking each other in Japanese “Is that her baby?” Its funny to listen in on them as I do my presentation, cause they still haven’t quite figured out that I can understand whatever they say… “Wow! She can do anything!” “She looks like her mom!” etc. The second half of class we play a quiz game in teams about trivia from my life. “How old is my brother?” “What’s my grandpa’s trucks name?” How many countries have I been to?” The students get pretty into it, its really fun! Some of my kids are super ADD and are standing on their chairs and trying to sit up in the windowsills instead of in their chairs, but I think they will be some of my favorites. ;)
Lunch time I get to eat with the students. The students all eat lunch in their classrooms in groups that are assigned by the teacher and only rotate every few months. My first lunch I got put with a group of students that was so shy they wouldn’t even looks at me or tell me their names. Luckily, the girl that screamed “this teacher is so much better than the last one,” Sae, keep yelling questions to me in English from the other side of the classroom. “Teacher!! Do you have a boyfriend?”
“Yes, many many! Do you have a boyfriend?”
“Yes, many many!”
(Best way to dodge the question, and give everyone a good laugh).
The next day Sae and her friends all ran into the hall as I was walking by and wanted me to hug them. Hugging a Japanese person is like hugging a cardboard cut out. They never hug, so they have no idea how to do it and just stand there with their arms out. It’s really cute and pretty amusing.
When I’m not in class I’m in the teachers room at my desk editing and grading assignments. The last two days of school I graded all of the second and third year paper about what they did during summer, and wrote the students little notes. One of the second years went to Bible camp over summer. I haven’t taught their class yet, but I’m looking forward to meeting them! Statistically there should be 4-8 Christian students at my school. I can’t wait to find them! J
There are a lot of really really cool teachers at my school! Most don’t speak English, so they are really happy to be able to speak to me in Japanese. The vice principal is super super chill, and so is the school nurse, tea lady, and rest of the staff. J
There is a cleaning period each day where all the students clean the school. I’ve been joining the students in cleaning. They don’t use mops, just wash rags. They do this thing where they put the rag on the floor, put their hands on it in a crouching position, and then stick their butts up in the air and push the rag down the corridor. I’m really bad at it. I either get stuck and can’t go forward or go two quick and fall down… it’ll take some practice. Teachers usually don’t clean, so the vice principal LOVES it that I clean with the students. I’m pretty sure I’ve gotten on his good side already. Plus, it's a great chance to chitchat with the students.
I go to my second junior high next Wednesday. I’m only there about 4 or 5 days a month. Every Friday starting this week I will be at Tokiwa Elementary School, just down the street from here.
So that's the story!!!!!!!!!! I’m a teacher.
I’ve been at my main school, Oike Junior High, for three days now. I have 16 classes, totaling around 850 students. I am the only foreigner and the only native English speaker, so being there is quite an experience!
To be able to fully convey what my experience has been like, I need to tell you about the American that had my job at my school before me… I hate to talk poorly about someone I have never met, but my experiences there are directly linked to him in a way… so I’ll just stay it straight. My predecessor was a 41 years old 6 foot +, 300 pound + American male. He wanted to pocket the money that the Board of Education gives us for transportation, so he would ride his bike for about an hour to get to Oike, and show up literally soaked with sweat. We were specifically instructed to not eat junk food in front of the students, but he would walk around the school chugging a 2 liter coke every day (eating or drinking while walking is very rude in Japanese culture). From what the teachers and vice principle have told me, he didn’t work hard or care much about being involved with the students. So pretty much no matter what I do here, I am golden in everyone’s eyes.
The beginning of the semester opening ceremony was my first day at Oike. I had to make a speech to the whole school in English, and was told to translate for myself into Japanese. As I walked over to the gym for the ceremony, I felt like I was in a parade. All of the students were crowded into the corridor and would stare at me, smile at me, wave at me, shout “hello” or talk to each other in Japanese about me screaming things like, “Gyyyaaa! KAWAII!” (Ohhh! She’s so cute!) Made me feel like a million bucks, that's for sure. As I sat in the back of the ceremony looking around at all the students, I almost cried. I was so excited to finally be here! After all these years of prep, prayer, and following God’s direction in my life, these were the students I am being entrusted with for this year.
The following day I began teaching. I walked into my classroom, and one of the girls sitting up front turned around and yelled to the rest of the class in Japanese, “Oh my gosh! She’s so much better than the other teacher!” I started laughing, of course. Then all the students started murmuring to themselves, “OH! She understand, she understands!” Nice way to start out my teaching carrier. My first lesson for every class I teach is my self-introduction lesson. I have blown up, laminated, and attached magnets to a bunch of pictures of things in my life. Family, friends, places I’ve traveled, my hometown, hobbies, languages I’ve studies, etc. I try to make them interact as much as possible, asking them if they have siblings too, or having them guess things about me. I’ve discovered the “How old am I?” question is quite dangerous. I’ve gotten 37, and even 50 as answers! I have a picture of me as a baby, and the students always freak out when I show it and start asking each other in Japanese “Is that her baby?” Its funny to listen in on them as I do my presentation, cause they still haven’t quite figured out that I can understand whatever they say… “Wow! She can do anything!” “She looks like her mom!” etc. The second half of class we play a quiz game in teams about trivia from my life. “How old is my brother?” “What’s my grandpa’s trucks name?” How many countries have I been to?” The students get pretty into it, its really fun! Some of my kids are super ADD and are standing on their chairs and trying to sit up in the windowsills instead of in their chairs, but I think they will be some of my favorites. ;)
Lunch time I get to eat with the students. The students all eat lunch in their classrooms in groups that are assigned by the teacher and only rotate every few months. My first lunch I got put with a group of students that was so shy they wouldn’t even looks at me or tell me their names. Luckily, the girl that screamed “this teacher is so much better than the last one,” Sae, keep yelling questions to me in English from the other side of the classroom. “Teacher!! Do you have a boyfriend?”
“Yes, many many! Do you have a boyfriend?”
“Yes, many many!”
(Best way to dodge the question, and give everyone a good laugh).
The next day Sae and her friends all ran into the hall as I was walking by and wanted me to hug them. Hugging a Japanese person is like hugging a cardboard cut out. They never hug, so they have no idea how to do it and just stand there with their arms out. It’s really cute and pretty amusing.
When I’m not in class I’m in the teachers room at my desk editing and grading assignments. The last two days of school I graded all of the second and third year paper about what they did during summer, and wrote the students little notes. One of the second years went to Bible camp over summer. I haven’t taught their class yet, but I’m looking forward to meeting them! Statistically there should be 4-8 Christian students at my school. I can’t wait to find them! J
There are a lot of really really cool teachers at my school! Most don’t speak English, so they are really happy to be able to speak to me in Japanese. The vice principal is super super chill, and so is the school nurse, tea lady, and rest of the staff. J
There is a cleaning period each day where all the students clean the school. I’ve been joining the students in cleaning. They don’t use mops, just wash rags. They do this thing where they put the rag on the floor, put their hands on it in a crouching position, and then stick their butts up in the air and push the rag down the corridor. I’m really bad at it. I either get stuck and can’t go forward or go two quick and fall down… it’ll take some practice. Teachers usually don’t clean, so the vice principal LOVES it that I clean with the students. I’m pretty sure I’ve gotten on his good side already. Plus, it's a great chance to chitchat with the students.
I go to my second junior high next Wednesday. I’m only there about 4 or 5 days a month. Every Friday starting this week I will be at Tokiwa Elementary School, just down the street from here.
So that's the story!!!!!!!!!! I’m a teacher.
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