Lessons I Learned at Elementary School

About a month and a half ago I transferred to three new schools, including Shimono Elementary School.

My first day at the school, I spent a few minutes loitering in the entryway looking at the children’s artwork that was hanging on the wall. The right side of the entry way housed a large mural titled “Rainbow of Dreams.” Each student had been given a small colored tile to write his or her dream on. These tiles were then made into a mosaic of a rainbow.

Some of the tiles were comprised of the cute illegible scribbles of the first graders, but the rest were short phrases expressing the students dreams. Some of these dreams were what I though to be “typical” elementary school student dreams; “I want to open a ramen shop,” “I want to be a hair stylist,” “I want to be a baseball player.” Intermingled among these dreams were tiles that spoke deeply of the old-fashioned Japanese country-side culture that seemed to be alive and well amongst the pupils in my school; “I want to live a normal life,” “I want to stay healthy,” and even, “I want to get married off early.” These tiles surprised me because many of them seemed more like wishes to avoid ill fortune than desires for good things. As I stood there reflecting on the cultural implications of these tiles in regards to my role as a teacher, my eyes ran across one tile that left me in shock.

神様になりたいです。
I want to be God.

My gut reaction was something along the lines of “BLASPHEMY! How dare he write that!?!”

However, as I have observed the way that I have lived my life since I read the rainbow, I have noticed that this elementary school boy has only put to words what I have made a lifestyle: “I want to be God.”

What does wanting to be God look like? Pride. Haughty, self-centered, nasty pride.

I want to be the best teacher. I want to be the most beautiful. I want to be the best Japanese speaker. “I'm a good teacher. I’m beautiful. I’m better at Japanese than so and so. I am better than them. I am more capable than her…” And you are going to know it. You are going to know it from the stories I tell, from the way I walk, from the way I act in the classroom.

Seeing the condition of my heart, as it really is, is enough to make me want to throw up.

Pride is nasty. It refuses to attribute glory where it is due, but instead hoards it for itself. It’s like the postman taking credit for the Christmas presents that he delivers, and asking for a thank you card for the presents. It’s absolutely absurd because the gratitude for the present is due the one who shopped for it, purchased it, wrapped it, and sent it. In the same way (although I am far from being the best teacher, or the most beautiful) any teaching ability or beauty I possess is something that has been given to me. Desire for the glory and appreciation to focus on me rather than being passed on to the Creator and Sustainer of all things is like the post man standing at the door long after he has delivered the presents, declaring that the children’s Christmas joy is do to his greatness and benevolence. It’s utter ludicrous.

I also find myself being relentlessly self-critical. I want to be God, but I am not…I want people to love me… so I try to earn it with my competencies and abilities, rather than being open to being loved in my failures and weaknesses. I put on my goddess-mask each morning and ask those around me to love me because I am great.

The problem is that I am not great. I am self-absorbed, and trying to take the glory that is due to the one true God, the creator and sustainer of the universe, for myself. He, and He alone, is the provider of every good thing, and the true lover of my soul, even on those days when I forget my goddess-mask on the bed stand.

It is natural for God to be the recipient of glory, and zealous for his own glory, because there is no one greater than him to give it to, because he is the originator of all things. And yet we find that God, the one being who need not be, is humble.

In Philippians 2:3-8 we are admonished to
“do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death—
even death on a cross!

If the God of the universe humbled himself, became a servant, and shed his own blood in a shameful, painful, public execution, all for the sake of us rebels, how much more should I humbled myself before my God and before my neighbors!

What does wanting to be God look like? It looks like trying to be the savior of the world.

In my desire to “be God” I have also developed a bit of a “Messiah complex.” I really really love those around me, and want to demonstrate this love in whatever way I can. I have a burden for my friends, my family, my students, my coworkers, my nation (America and Japan), my church, Tohoku and just about everything else.

This “messiah complex” can be seen clearly in my schedule book. I have something on the schedule starting at 6am and going through 10pm almost everyday of the week (which is the reason why it has taken me a month and a half to write this blog). And in the midst of my attempts to love those around me to the best of my ability, I have often found myself in tears. “I couldn’t call my friend today who I know needs encouragement… I promised that person I would pray for them, but I haven’t had the time… I haven’t slept more than a few hours the last few nights, but if I cancel my plans tonight, who will love on my friend…?” Over the past month
I have been brutally aware of my own limitedness, and the needs of those around me.

How ridiculous it is for me to think that I am the one who can meet the needs of those around me! I’m living as if God did not exist and I was the savior. I am not the savior. There is a Savior, and his name is Jesus. He was in Japan long before I arrived, and he knew all of my friend’s names before he laid the foundation of the world. The love he has for those around me compared to the love I have for them is like comparing the ocean to a thimble-full of water.

I am not God. I cannot do everything. I cannot take care of all of the people around me. Even if I never slept another second, the world would still have needs that I cannot meet. Realizing this makes me feel like I am going to cry, which just shows how deep I’ve fallen into this particular form of idolatry, wanting to be God.

I think that Jesus, once again, models what this aspect of our lives should look like.

“Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. Simon and his companions went to look for him, and when they found him, they exclaimed: ‘Everyone is looking for you!’” (Mark 1:35-37).

Although everyone is looking for Jesus, wanting to be healed and delivered from oppression, he runs off to be alone with God. If the Bible says anything, it says that God is the great lover, relentlessly pursuing each of his lost children. He will not forget a single one, nor neglect to see a single tear. The burden of the world is not on my shoulders, it is one the shoulders of the one named Jesus.

I am not God. And I do not want to be.

Typhoons, Transistions and Spiders

I realized that I haven't written in a while, and a lot has changed in my life. I changed churches, and have three new schools. Life has been unbelievably sweet and unbelievably busy lately. I just wrote an email to a friend that I used to work with who has moved to Tohoku, and I'm gonna post chunks of it to fill you all in about my life. <3

Dear ______ Sensei!

...

It's really exciting that the elementary school has sumo! I would love to come watch a match! If you take any pictures of Shunya playing sumo, please send them to me. 見たいね！ I'm starting to get used to Shimono-sho, but I really miss Tokiwa and I miss you!!! Some of my new 5th and 6th grade boys are really mean! One of them told me that my gums were really wide and I looked like an orangutang! ショック！！！(shock!!) Kids always say whatever they think, so I'm not too surprised. Most of the students are really nice though. Did I tell you there was a mamushi (Japanese cobra) in the genkan (entry way) the first time I went to the school??? 田舎だよ！(it's sooooo countryside!)

Thank you for reading my journals!!! I really enjoyed writing them, so I am glad you enjoyed reading them. To be honest, I really miss my grandpa, especially today for some reason, so I think it is good for me to keep remembering him through things like mountain climbs and journals.

One of the teachers at Sakura Junior High is volunteering to help some people who evacuated from Tohoku to Yokkaichi, so even though I can't go to Tohoku because of work, maybe I can get involved with helping the people from Tohoku here? I'm not sure what I can do really, but I know that God loves those people very much, and He cares about their suffering, so if I can do anything to help I really want to. Another of the teacher's from Sakura JHS went to Ishinomaki to volunteer this weekend. The man whose farm I worked on in Sendai was recently interviewed by Fox News. Here is a link to the article if you are interested.

http://world.foxnews.mobi/quickPage.html?page=26264&content=56647028&pageNum=-1

My friend who lives in Miyagi said there have been a lot of big earthquakes lately. Are you guys doing ok? Is shunya scared? How is the weather there? I think its finally fall here!! YAY!!!!

This past weekend I went to camp in the mountains in Gifu with the young adults group (青年会）from my church. It was so much fun! I was really happy to get to be in nature with a bunch of my friends. I went hiking to a really beautiful waterfall, and played a lot of games, and studied the Bible a lot with everyone. For breakfast we had "夕森サンド."(Camp Yumori Sandwitch). First you made a sandwitch. second you wrap in in tin foil. Third, you put it inside an empty milk carton. Fourth, you light the milk carton on fire (using the camp fire). When the milk carton is all burned up, it means you sandwitch is done! The bread is toasted, and its warm, and the cheese is melted. It was really good and really fun to make! You should try it with your boys sometime! :)

I also had a really memorable experience in the ofuro (bath)... I looked over towards the girl sitting next to me, my friend Atsumi, and there was a GIANT spider on her leg... it was at least 5 centimeters across!!!! I screamed and tried to wash it off of her with the shower (hand held shower hose style), but the water was barely dripping out (there was no water pressure) so I just got the spider wet and it started running up her back and on to her neck!!! GYAAAAA!!! We were both screaming and panicking, and then I hit it off of her with my hand. I have never touched a spider that big before. I'm a little bit proud of myself for being brave enough to touch it, and a little bit dissapointed in myself I didn't touch it sooner. Poor ________!!! Anyways, I'm really thankful it wasn't me!

How have the recent typhoons been in Yamanashi? School was closed in Yokkaichi last Wednesday because of the typhoon, but I still had to go to Sakura JHS. It was pouring rain, all of the rivers were swollen, there were puddles everywhere, and flooding in some parts of Yokkaichi. It's about a 15 minute walk from the bus stop to the school, so I was soaked when I arrived. The principal asked me how I got there, and I smiled and said "水上バイク" (jet ski). The principals reaction was priceless! (笑!) School without students was a lot more fun than I had anticipated. I was able to get to know a lot of the teachers a lot better, and group of us even played volleyball in the gym in the afternoon!

I miss my old schools, but I really like my new ones too. All of the teacher's are really nice, and so are the students. I went to Oike JHS's sports day uchiage (teacher's after party), so I got to see all of my old teachers still. There is an old English song that goes..."Make new friends, keep the old. One is silver and the other gold." I think its true. I am really thankful for all of my friends here in Yokkaichi, and for my friend in Yamanashi!! I hope I can go visit sometime!

I'm looking forward to hearing from you!! Enjoy the beginning of fall!

Love,
Michelle

Tohoku Twice

I finally finished reflecting on my second trip to Tohoku. The events in this blog are from July 14-26. Sorry its out of order!


I spent the night before Fuji at my friend Yoshiaki’s apartment. Yoshiaki had moved since I visited last. I arrived at Kamiyacho station with my backpacker’s backpack on, looking completely like a tourist. A Japanese person in the station asked me if I was going to see Tokyo Tower. I thought to myself, “Just because I have a backpack doesn’t mean I am the stereotypical Tokyo tourist going to see Tokyo Tower!” I smiled at the man and I proudly responded, “NO! I’m going to climb Mt. Fuji.” When I walked out of the station, Tokyo Tower nearly smacked me in the face…and I realized how ridiculous I sounded, hours away from Mount Fuji, insisting that I was NOT going to see Tokyo Tower. The following morning, I picked up my cousin Sarah from Haneda International Airport, picked up her friend Ed in Shinjuku Station, and set off to conquer Fuji. We spent the two days after Fuji running around Tokyo with my Japanese friends, hitting all the main sightseeing spots and local hangouts; the Asahi beer building (which is shaped like a giant mug of beer), the great golden poop (if you want to know, you’ll have to come to Japan), the Edo Tokyo Museum, Imperial Palace, Asakusa, and a maid café in Akihabara. We had an amazing time both days. We had a 4.0 quake our first night in Tokyo, which we would fond to be only a precursor to the quakes we would experience in the week to come.



A few tears made their way down my cheek as I gazed at Minato Elementary School out of the car window. I could hardly believe that this was the same place I brought relief supplies to in March, less than 2 weeks after the 9.0 earthquake and tsunami. The cars wrapped around telephone phones like fabric, knee high mud and water, endless rubble, and the assortment of rotting fish scattered about were no where to be seen. I cried for the progress made.

I also cried for the progress yet to be made. A closer look revealed the still visible water line on second floor of the buildings. Although the rubble had been removed from the street and sidewalks, many of the buildings were still completely destroyed and unusable. Along with the people and things most dear to them, those in Tohoku lost all sense of normalcy and security to the flood of water that overtook their land on March 11th. The initial quake has been followed by weekly aftershocks that shake hearts as much as they shake buildings. The majority of the people in Tohoku have PTSD, and every little shake makes them fear; fear that the building will collapse, fear that the ocean will once again surge towards them, fear that March 11th will happen again. I cried because it is the hearts of those in Tohoku that are in need of restoration, and this restoration will not take place with shovels and tractors.

I had the opportunity to spend a week with my cousin Sarah, and our friends Alea and Ed from San Diego, volunteering in Sendai and Ishinomaki. We stayed at a summer camp in the mountains that had been converted into CRASH’s (Christian Relief and Service + Hope) Sendai Base. Each day we would travel to a different work site, along with Wataru. Wataru is a 24 year old seminary student who was interning at CRASH during the summer. The week before we arrived, he confided to those at the base that although he was in training to be a pastor, he didn’t really like people, and that he had been having a hard time with his classmates at school. He was a bit quiet the first day, but by the second day we had given him a nickname, “ManJack,” and completely broken him out of his shell. The five of us and ManJack became a close knit team almost immediately, despite the language barrier, much thanks to the crazy spunkiness of Sarah, Alea and Ed. Each day we would head out to a work site with ManJack and some of the other teams at the Sendai base from around Japan, Singapore, and the US. ManJack would faithfully pack a lunch and water for each of us, even though it was each of our responsibility to pack our own. Each day was packed full of conversation, laughter, and craziness, along with a solemn respect and love for those in Tohoku. I’ve talked to those at the base after we left, and they have said that ManJack has been a different person since the San Diego team left. What we were able to do in Tohoku in that brief amount of time was very limited, but at least we were able to love on someone who is going to be a future leader in the Japanese church. ManJack is an amazing person, and I am very thankful we got to be a part of letting him know its ok for him to be himself, it all of its amazing craziness.

ManJack wasn’t the only one who was given a nickname. For example, the night Alea arrived at the base, Ed had cut all of the grass along the side of the road to camp with a weed-whacker. Although we were high in the mountains, when Alea drove in she asked if all of the cut grass was damage from the TSUNAMI!!! From then on, one of Ed’s new nick names was Ed-nami. After each day of work, all of the teams would come back to the base and have a time of debriefing before dinner. I had the opportunity to translate for these sessions, which was the perfect opportunity for me to reinforce everyone’s nicknames. When someone would say “Wataru blah blah blah,” I would translate “ManJack blah blah blah.” At one of these meetings, there was a young man sitting silent in the back corner of the room, almost like Aaragorn in the Prancing Pony, long hair and all. Our team shared in the debriefing that we had removed all of the rubble from a field that day. However, there was an enormous tree in the middle of the field that had been washed over from the coastline, which was about 2 miles away, preventing the field from being tilled and planted. The mysterious man in the corner, whose name was Sou, said, “Hey, I have a chainsaw.” The comment instantly became a nickname, and whenever someone would say “Sou blah blah blah,” I translated it “Chainsaw blah blah blah.”

It was with these crazy people that we worked on Mr. Ouchi’s farm in Wakabayashi, took the water damaged dry wall out of a house in Tona, and organized a donation warehouse and played with kids living in the temporary housing in Ishinomaki.
Mr. Ouchi is a farmer, and lives on a large plot of land close to the ocean. His family has been farming as far back as they can trace their history. As soon as we walked onto the property, Sarah and I both had the feeling that we were back home on our grandfather’s farm. I am sure my grandfather and Mr. Ouchi would have been friends. I could imagine my grandfather there, standing next to Mr. Ouchi in his green John Dear jumper, taking in the ocean air, soil and potting tools in hand. Sarah and my trip was in memory of my grandfather and the part of his life he spent in Japan, so it was fitting that our first day of volunteer work would be on a farm, the place closest to my grandfather’s heart.

Mr. Ouchi is part of the firefighter’s emergency response team, and spent the few minutes between the earthquake and tsunami running from door to door, telling all of his neighbors to get upstarts. His daughters attend the junior high school that is visible from the front porch. In complete compliance with the incredibly idiotic evacuation procedures that the Japanese school system enforces, all the students evacuated to the gymnasium following the earthquake. When they found out there was a tsunami coming, they all fled upstairs, barely making it to the third story as the raging water hit the building. Mr. Ouchi made it to the second story of his house in time, but didn’t have time to grab the family dog, Rui, as the waters rose. Luckily, Mr. Ouchi was able to grab Rui from the balcony as he floated by. Although Rui escaped with his life, he has a really bad case of PTSD. The cute shiba-inu whines for you to come pet him, but as soon as you get close, he gets scared and starts to snap. After the waters receded, Mr. Ouchi worked with the firefighters to recover bodies. Like Rui, Mr. Ouchi was also effected by what he experienced. When CRASH started working with Mr. Ouchi, he was very depressed. However, as hundreds of volunteers from all over Japan and the world came to his home month after month to work on his home and his fields, he began to regain hope. Alea, who has been working at the Sendai base all summer, said that Mr. Ouchi has been beginning to experience grace. He has been asking “Who am I, that I should be the one receiving all this help? What have I done, that people would fly from across the world to help me?” This is the same question asked by every Christian who experiences grace; completely unearned love and favor. “Who am I, that God should love me? What have I done, that Jesus would die for me?” We know that the human heart cannot be restored with a shovel, but as Mr. Ouchi has shown, hearts can be restored by grace and love, wielded by those who carry the shovel.

Sarah and I spent one day in Tona, working on the home of the Watanabe family. Mrs. Watanabe passed away in the tsunami. All of the houses left standing after the tsunami need to have the drywall and floorboards removed and replaced, and all of the mud and rubble taken out from under the house. Eighteen of us from Japan, American and Singapore worked all day on the Watanabe house to remove the drywall from the first floor and the weeds from the yard. Eighteen people, in one whole day, were only able to tackle the drywall and weeks from a single house. The road to recovery is long, and will be tread very slowly.　

That night back at the base we met a lady named Judy, who is the head of the Dallas/Sendai sister city association. The Dallas Sister City Association gave a large amount of funding to build something in Sendai. Judy informed us that unlike the area north of Sendai that was completely devastated by the tsunami, only 5% of Sendai was effected by the Tsunami. She explained that Sendai’s biggest need at the moment is tourism, because Tohoku’s economy has been devastated, so there is a need for money to flow in from outside the region. Judy’s idea was to use the funding to make a community center with a foot bath and a 55 inch flat screen TV. Sarah quickly let her know that she was dreaming too small, and sold her the idea of building an outdoor amphitheatre that could be used for theater and music, drawing crowds to bring back tourism. Sarah also pitched the idea of having a benefit concert in SoCal to raise funding to throw a bigger benefit concert in Sendai next March, one year from the tragedy. As Sarah was brainstorming all of her perfecting fitting ideas, Judy said something about Tohoku (the region of Northeastern Japan hit by the tsunami). Sarah looked at her and asked, “What’s Tohoku?” !!! All of Sarah’s suggested plans are currently in motion. It was amazing to watch God use someone with little to no knowledge of Japan as such a powerful tool of healing in this country.

There are three famous views in Japan; the Miyajima Shrine in Hiroshima, the Amanohashidate bridge in Kyoto, and the coastline of Matsushima in...in where? I had heard of Matsushima many times, but I never knew where it was located. The Japanese team we worked together with one day decided to take us to an onesn (bath house style hot spring) on our way back to the base. When we pulled off of the highway, I saw a sign, “Welcome to Matsushima.” MATSUSHIMA!!!! This seems to be a common occurrence in my life. I sign up to volunteer somewhere, and end up spending time in the most beautiful places in the world. The Dead Sea, Petra, London, and now Matsushima. God sure does know how to take care of his children! A few days later, we decided to go back to Matsushima and relax our sore muscles. Sarah, Alea, and I jumped into the hot pools of water and gazed out the window at the amazing view of the ocean, dotted with islands. When we walked back into the changing room, there were four older women in the room also. One of them, a rather tall Japanese woman, maybe in her late 60’s, was weighing herself on the scale. The scale read 15 kilograms (33 lbs.). She said to her friends in Japanese, “I think this scale is broken!!! It’s saying I only weighing 15 kilos!!!” I smiled at her and chimed in “It’s not broken! You’re just skinny!!!” All of the women laughed and started talking to me, asking why my two white friends and I were at Matsushima. When I told them we were there to do volunteer work, they began to tell us their stories. All four of them were neighbors, and barely escaped the tsunami alive. When the warning was sounded, they jumped into their cars and drove as fast as they could away from the shore. They couldn’t drive fast enough. The tsunami overtook their cars, but they were able to survive by breaking out the window, climbing onto the roof of the now floating car, climbing onto a building, and later getting picked up by a helicopter. Three of the ladies are living in different temporary housing complexes, and one of them is still living at an evacuation center in an elementary school. They came to Matsushima in order to be together, and try to soak the stress of their current life away in the therapeutic waters. However, they told me that they couldn’t relax at Matsushima. The onsen overlooks the ocean, and just looking at the ocean brings back fear, and memories of the tsunami. They were afraid that one of the daily quakes would make the ocean surge beyond its borders, reaching up to swallow them. The four Japanese ladies, Sarah, Alea and I stood in a circle in the center of the changing room for quite some time, hearing their stories and encouraging them as best we could. I had this strong impression that I needed to pray for these ladies. I told them that we were Christians, and asked them if it would be alright if we prayed for them. We all bowed our heads, and I prayed for blessing on these women in Jesus’ name, that they would find comfort and release from fear, that they would find time to be together as friends, that they would soon be able to move to a more stable location, and that they would know how deeply they are loved by God, in the midst of their sufferings. Alea peaked while I was praying, and said that one of the ladies kept looking up and smiling. When we raised our heads and opened our eyes, it felt as if a weight had been lifted from the room. I looked across our little huddle to see all four of the women smiling, and looking quite a bit more settled than they had a few minutes before. They thanked us profusely and walked away bowing, smiling, and looking back over their shoulders at us. Although CRASH coordinated a lot of incredible volunteer work for us to do, it was this meeting, coordinated by God himself, that left the strongest impression on me.

Sunday’s and Monday’s are days of rest at CRASH, so we headed to Alea’s apartment. Our original plan was to sightsee, but the 101 degree fever I had changed our plans to sleeping, watching movies, and letting our bodies recover. When we arrived at Alea’s, she told us that her apartment was pretty flimsy, so if we had any decent sized quakes it was going to feel like we were on a boat in stormy seas. That night we were in the center of a 6.0 quake. The flimsy apartment started shaking violently as the power poles outside swayed about 40 degrees back and forth. I sat up calmly, and started doing a Lonely Island impression, throwing my hand down in traditional rap style and singing, “I’m on a boat!!!” Sarah and Alea sat up and joined in, “I’m on a boat!” The building stopped shaking, and the three of us laid back down and went right back to sleep, proving that none of us have PSTD, and a reminding me of how valuable it is for those of us who have not experienced the trauma of March 11th to spend time with those in Tohoku. I would have liked to stay, but Sarah had a flight to catch from Haneda International to take her to Costa Rica for a friend’s wedding, and I had to go back to work in Yokkaichi. I spent the bus ride back to Tokyo praying for those we met and dreaming of the day when I will return to Tohoku, hopefully to try a fresh vegetable from Mr. Ouchi’s farm.

Reinstatement

No matter how long I am in this country, and how much I think I have this culture, and these people understood, I continue to find myself blundering about, like a man in the dark, like a person who thinks they are winning at cards, only to discover that they misunderstood the rules and are actually in last place.

Last February I made plans to spend my spring break with one of my host families, in Yokohama. Right before the trip, Japan was hit with a 9.0 earthquake, tsunami, and nuclear meltdown. My family advised me against going to Tokyo because of the instability of the nuclear situation in Fukushima, and Tokyo’s proximity to the disaster. I told the Otsuki that I would not be able to go. I knew that Japanese people don’t like it when plans are changed, but my American way of thinking assured me that natural disasters trumped cultural rules about sticking to the original plans.

After I canceled on my host family, I was asked to go to the disaster area with CRASH Japan. I worked in the office in Saitama (just north of Tokyo) for two weeks, and made a supply run to Ishinomaki, Miyagi Prefecture. I figured that because I was already near Tokyo, I might as well try to see my host family. I messaged them asking if I could come. They said yes, but when I arrived, I was greeted with an incredibly cold reception, and scolded “you should really think about how other people feel!”

I spent the next two days trying to put together the pieces to figure out what I had done wrong, and how to fix it. During the next month I tried to win myself back into the good graces of the family by apologizing profusely and sending cards and presents (which is very appropriate in a reciprocity culture such as this). During this period, my host grandmother, Kazuko, passed away from stomach cancer.

In Japan there is a saying, “You are born Shinto, married Christian, and buried Buddhist.” Syncretism is a way of life. Where Western cognition would say either/or, Japanese cognition would say both/and. Being a Christian in the presence of the death of a loved one is an incredibly difficult situation in Japan, regardless of if you are a Japanese national or foreigner. There is no traditional category for exclusion devotion to one set of beliefs, so the Christian who refuses to partake in ancestor worship or Buddhist rights in seen as cold, rude, disrespectful, and uncaring.

I was invited to spend this past weekend with the Otsuki family, directly after Obon (a Buddhist week long celebration when the spirits of the deceased family are thought to return to the home). It was my first time to visit since grandma passed, and I was unsure of where I stood with the family. I had a feeling I was going to be put in some very compromising situations, amidst my own grief.

Michelle vs. Incense: Round One. I walked into the house, flowers and gifts in hand (as is appropriate when you visit any Japanese home), and was greeted with a long hug. I had intended the flowers for the dining room table or living room, but my host mother graciously received them from me, took me by the hand, and headed for the Buddhist altar that had been erected in the tatami room, complete with a large picture of grandma. My host father’s voice carried from the other room, “Michelle, go burn grandma some incense.” My heart started to pound a bit, I loved my grandmother dearly, and loved the family dearly, but was not about to compromise my faith… how was I graciously going to duck out of this one? Luckily for me, dinner was waiting on the table, and Naoko set the flowers down on the alter, and said, “let’s go eat.” Round one: cleared.

The dinner table overflowed with amazing food, drink, and stories from the past four months we had been apart. Everyone was happy to be together. My adorable 92 year old host grandpa wouldn’t stop doting on me, telling me how beautiful I looked, how happy he was that I came, and about all the presents he had made and bought for me. He asked me if I would stay in Japan for the rest of his life, to which I enthusiastically answered, “yes!” and he threw his hands into the air and cried “bonsai!” Things seemed to be just like normal.

Michelle vs. Incense: Round Two. Somehow I ended up in front of the altar again, with my host mother. Naoko lit and incense and placed it on the altar, and asked me to do the same. I told her I was very sorry, but I couldn’t, because I was a Christian. She replied by saying, “It’s ok, go ahead, Buddhism isn’t strict…” As I sat there, unmoving, looking at grandma’s picture, we both started sharing stories of grandma and crying a bit. Then I remembered that we had left water boiling on the stove… Round Two: Cleared.

That night, they took me out to an incredible Korean BBQ restaurant for dinner (I’ve pretty sure my meal was well over $70 US). Half way through the dinner, Naoko reached into her purse and pulled out a beautiful pearl bracelet, with a heart clasp, and handed it to me. The bracelet had been a gift from my host father Kousuke’s mother, and like the handmade yukata that my deceased grandmother had made for Naoko that was now in my care, Naoko wanted me to have this bracelet as well. As I stared at the beauty of my first string of real pearls, I felt a bit like the prodigal son, or Peter on the beach with Jesus, being reinstated into the family. It was clear that whatever horrible blunders I had made over the past months were forgiven, and I was family again.

Michelle vs. Incense: Round Three. It was in light of all of this, that I was faced with the biggest challenge. The next afternoon, I was sitting in the living room talking with grandpa, who loves whiskey and horse races just like my late grandpa Dave, when Naoko came in to announce that her older sister and niece would be coming over shortly to burn incense. “AGGGHHHHHH!!!!! How am I going to get out of this one?” I thought. Soon enough, the relatives arrived, and everyone kneeled on the living room floor to bow, faces to the ground, while exchanging traditional greetings (this very rarely takes place in modern family settings, attesting to the adherence to tradition alive in my host family). After I humbly introduced myself, everyone headed for the altar upstairs… I lingered at the foot of the stairs, not sure what to do. Staying downstairs alone wasn’t a good option in a group-oriented culture, but neither was refusing to burn incense in everyone’s presence. After taking my foot on and off of the first stair multiple times, I went back to the living room, fell to my knees and spent the rest of the time praying for the Otsuki family. Grandpa came down stairs first, and started chatting with me like normal, as everyone slipped into the room one by one as natural as ever, joining in the conversation. Round three: cleared.

I stand in a long line of Christians who have refused to deny Christ, or worship other gods, beginning with the early church, continuing on to today, and including a great number of Japanese Christians that shed their blood for the faith in the 1600s. When commanded to deny their faith, or perish, they boldly declared, “death first!” My friend sent me this text just before the incident with the relatives, “’Stand fast in the faith, and love one another, all of you, and be not offended at my sufferings.’ These were the last words of Perpetua to her pagan family before being martyred for not burning incense to Caesar. ” Although the consequences of my actions would only mean broken relationships, not any kind of physical punishment, my heart also resounded with the cry of those who have gone before me, “DEATH FIRST! I will not deny my Savior!”

This experience, as mellow as it was compared to what my Christian brothers and sisters are going through around the world, has left me with a lot to contemplate, mostly about my own relationship with God. When faced with blatant idolatry, my heart can respond “DEATH FIRST!” But this “DEATH FIRST!” mentality seems to be missing from my handling of other areas of sin in my life. Will I talk about someone behind their back? My reaction should be “DEATH FIRST!” Will I withhold money that could be helping someone in need? Again, my reaction should be “DEATH FIRST!” Will I fail to trust God to provide for my heart, and try to take matters into my own hands? “NO, DEATH FIRST!” But instead of the appropriate reaction, I find complacency in many areas of my life. Colossians 3:5 spells it out clearly, “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is IDOLATRY.” Any sin, even if it looks like selfishness, as opposed to burning incense to foreign gods, is in its very nature idolatry. Jesus, thank you for your faithfulness to me this weekend. Jesus, teach my heart to cry “DEATH FIRST!” in every area of my life that is out of alignment with your call to absolute righteousness.

A Mountaintop Memorial

June 13th, 2011, was another ordinary day of teaching junior high school in Japan… until the phone rang. I heard my father’s grief stricken voice on the other end of the line, telling me that my grandfather had gone home to be with the Lord. A few days and a plane flight later, I was sitting in the pews of Saint John’s Catholic Church with my family, mourning the loss of our dearly beloved patriarch.



My grandfather was an incredible man and lived a very full life. Part of his legacy paved the way for my current location. I was not the first of my family here, in Japan. My grandfather served in Yokohama in the army during the occupation after World War II. During the 14 months my grandfather spent in Yokohama, him and his friends would often throw case of cold beer into the back of a jeep, and drive up the side of Mount Fuji-yama, as my grandfather called it. Not many people can say that their grandfather has driven up Mount Fuji in a jeep and had a cold one on top. My cousin Sarah and I always said that if she ever came to Japan, we would carry on the family tradition, climb Mt. Fuji-yama, and have a beer at the summit.



In late May, Sarah decided to come to Japan for summer break. We told my grandfather our plan to relive his experience of Mount Fuji-yama. Little did we know that we would be climbing in his memory on July 14th Japan time, exactly one month from the day he went home to be with Jesus. Little did we know when we began planning the trip that he wouldn’t be here to see the pictures and hear the stories upon our return. Rather, he looked down and watched the entirety of our journey to the summit of Mount Fuji-yama, beers in our backpacks, instead of the back of a jeep.



I’m sure Mount Fuji-yama has changed since my grandfather’s visits it in 1947. Far from the desolate ruggedness that typifies American wilderness, Mount Fuji-yama is literally a city on a hill. Mountain lodges dot the trail about every twenty minutes all the way to the summit. Hot coffee? Hot tea? Cup-a-noodles? They’ve got it! It will only cost you about ten dollars a cup. The summit is home to a bonafide village complete with souvenir shops, restaurants, a post office, vending machines, and full-bar cell phone coverage. Mount Fuji is almost always climbed at night, in order to greet the rising sun from Japan’s highest peak. The sun set as we began climbing, and Mount Fuji-yama shed a crisp shadow across the sunset. Because of the height of Mount Fuji, and the fact that it is a volcano, the clouds wrap themselves around its base. For the first time in my life, I looked down to watch lightening flashing in a sea of clouds below me. The moon rose behind the mountain, snatching Mount Fuji’s shadow from the sky and sending it sprawling across the valley below. We paused to look down the mountain as we ascended, mesmerized by the train of headlights that danced along the trail like fireflies.



We made it to the peak just as the first gleam of morning kissed the horizon. The sun rose red, in unison with the raising of the red sun on the Japanese flag. We greeted the sun, serenaded by the singing of the Japanese national anthem、beer and picture of my grandfather in hand. I couldn’t help but smile at the beauty stretched out before me, and I know my grandfather was doing the same.

Easter and Golden Week

I just wrote an email to one of my favorite professors back home, and realized I should probably tell the rest of you what's going on in my life too! SO here is part of the email, plus some!

For Easter my little tiny church threw a Easter party for kids from the neighborhood, and we had 28 kids come to church for the first time! We had games, prizes and easter egg hunt, and all the goodies! I got to give the message. I dressed up like Mary Magdelene and ran into the room screaming "HE IS RISEN! HE IS RISEN! JESUS IS RISEN!...what? you don't know who Jesus is!!!???" And proceeded to tell the story from my perspective. SO FUN! The kids listened super attentively. But my pronunciation is still a little strange (I have a tendency to skip alveolar stops towards to end of words). So after I finished, all the students left saying "HE IS RISEN!" over and over with my funny pronunciation.

We had a lot of national holidays last week (the Japanese all it "Golden Week"), so I spent three days at the young adults camp at the bigger church in my city. It was super fun! Complete with great messages, scavenger hunts, skits, trips to the onsen, and even the traditional camp "grace" song before each meal. It was super fun to live in that community for three days! :D

I also spent three days in the neighboring prefecture at a rescue center for suicidal people. There are these beautiful cliff overlooking the beach that people like to jump from, and my friend's church has a sign on them that says "give us a call before you jump" (but in a lot nicer way), and they take people in and take care of them until they get healthy. We got two calls while I was there, and took in one lady in her 50s. Super sweet woman with a tragic story. I had a really nice time with my friend and getting to spend time with the 16 people they have living there right now. :) That's what the church should look like in action!!!!

I'm leading a Bible study Tuesday and preaching on Sunday cause my pastor is going to be out of town. I'm having dinner with someone everyother night of the week, and still cramming for my Japanese test I have coming up in July (which I am pretty sure I am going to fail!) Some friends (two from the states and one from Germany) are coming to my neck of the woods in the very near future, so I am getting SUPER excited to see them! YAY~!!!!

The recovery work is still dragging on in Tohoku... so please pray for everyone up there! The situation is super super super awful still. If I can get one of my friend who is there now to write something up on what things look like on the ground, I'll post it for you guys.

That's all for now! WITH LOVE!!!!! ~Michelle

Normal life? Oh yeah!

Where to start? The last week has been super full of awesome stuff, today included. Consequently I’ve been wondering if it is possible to die from lack of sleep… Sleep was definitely one of my new years resolutions this year, so I need to get on it, but the question is always what to cut out of my day when I have a to do list a mile long, and a ‘I want to do’ list five miles long.

So here is what my life looks like recently:

School:
I’m back to school, and it's the beginning of a new academic year. I have a ton of new students, and they freak out when I walk into their classroom for the first time (because I am a foreigner). Its really cute! They give the traditional “eeeehhh?????????” and then start screaming “HELLO! HELLO!” with their far from perfect pronunciation. It’s really endearing! I’ve got a few Spanish speaking students too, so its been really fun to brush up on my Spanish.

I was asked to do a lesson for my 9th graders about my time in the Tsunami zone. Japanese students aren’t really encouraged to think for themselves of discuss very often (some TV shows even show a recoding of someone watching the show in the corner of the screen to show those watching how they should respond to the show), so it was really cool to take some time to help them process what is going on in their country. We watched the YouTube video my friend Ian made when we went to Ishinomaki, and talked about what is going on, and talked about what our response should be to this situation. As junior high students, they probably can’t go volunteer or donate a ton of money. We talked about what real HOPE and LOVE mean. And that maybe the proper response to this tragedy for junior high students is to live well and LOVE and HOPE where they are. We want to love those in Fukushima, and maybe we can’t go there, but we can love those around us. We also talked a little bit about bullying, because some of the students from Fukushima who have had to leave their cities and transfer into other school districts are getting bullied. “汚れ,” being labeled as dirty, is a classic form of Japanese psychological bulling, and “radiation” has provided the perfect fuel for students’ cruelty. I had all the students write me a reflection in Japanese, and it was really cool to see what they had to say.

Tohoku: It’s been a month and nine days. My friends from Kamizoku (the house church I went to Tohoku with), CRASH, and TCU (the school I went to study abroad at) are working hard still. I wish I was there everyday, but just as I encouraged my students to, I can pray and love and live as well as I can here. Let’s us not forget, and let us not cease to love and serve and give and volunteer.

Church:
I had a Bible study with three Japanese ladies this past Monday, and it was AWESOME!! I’m going to be taking them through the covenants in the Bible (Noahic, Abrahamic, Mosaic etc.) culminating with the New Covenant. I’ve wanted to try teaching chronologically through the Bible before, and I’ve been reading a really really AWESEOME book by one of by Biola profs, Dr. Lunde, called “Following Jesus, The Servant King: A Biblical Theology of Convental Discipleship,” and its been helping me understand following Jesus, and the Old Testament, in a whole new light. Anyways, we studied Genesis 1-3 this past week, and it was the first time for all of them to study this section of scripture. It was sooooooo much fun to watch them begin to understand the depth that is in those three chapters and their implication. From a western viewpoint, Genesis one critiques materialism, but for the common person in Japan it more critiques animism and astrology, two huge belief systems here. It was super cool to see how asking a few questions led them to out the implications from the text. I know I was super super blessed by the study, and they said they were too, and they were looking forward to next time. It’s amazing how easily I have taken all the churching and theological education I have gotten for granted. Two of the ladies at the study have been Christians for a long time, but this was the first time they got to study this section of the Bible, which is so fundamental. It was super cool to get to put some of my study to use, and I’m thinking of asking my pastor if I can preach once a month…? I just really want to bring the Word and see people grow.

We’re having an Easter even for kids at my church this Sunday. And we only have one kid that comes to church, so we aren’t sure how many kids are going to come, but we’re inviting a lot of people. It’s going to be super fun! Games! Easter eggs! Music! I’m sharing a short gospel message, etc.

I’ve also been involved in the young adults group at the big church in the city. It’s every Thursday evening, and its great to hang out with some Christians my own age. They are having a camp the week after next that I am going to go to, which will be a cool way to get to know everyone better.

A high school ministry (Hi. B.A. its an interdenominational gathering for high school students, because most Japanese churches are really small, so they don’t have much fellowship for young people) just started in my city, and I’m thinking of getting involved. That’s the age group I really want to work with, but I’m a little nervous about spreading myself too thin, which I feel like I am already doing…

Japanese…
Oh Japanese!!! I used to tell people this wasn’t such a hard language. The beginning levels are not. But unlike most languages that get easier the further you get, this one gets exponentially harder the further you get. I have the proficiency test coming up in a little over two months….YIKES! So if I’m not teaching, doing ministry, (mostly failing at) trying to keep in touch with all my friends scattered around the country, or hanging out with all the random friends I have accumulated over my 8 months here, you can find me at starbucks studying kanji, or on the bus studying vocab, or doing reading comprehension into the late hours of the night in my apartment. Hence my lack of sleep induced headache at the moment. But guess where I am! Starbucks! Studying! I was competing with a friend on the proficiency test in July (any of you who were in Greek with me know how well I lean language once there is a little competition involved! cough cough, Jared Winn!), but he just decided not to take it. BUMMER! But I’m pretty determined to round-house kick this test in the face, competition or no competition.

I have more to say, but I just realized this is getting ridiculously long, and none of you are probably going to make it this far! If you are reading this, tell me you know the secret word: ninja(!!!), next time you see me and I’ll buy you a coffee or something for bearing with me to the end! <3

One Month Later

Yesterday was April 11th. Exactly one month since March 11th. One month since the 9.0 earthquake, the tsunami, the beginning of the nuclear problems.

I was working in the Board of Education yesterday, which is on the 9th floor of city hall. In the afternoon, at the time the earthquake had hit, city hall held a minute of silence to mourn the nearly 15,000 deaths, and the 9,000 still missing.

It’s been a month. Aftershocks are shaking Japan daily. And a lot of them are big, like last night’s 6.6 that hit off the coast of Fukushima; causing landslides that buried houses and causes power loss to nuclear reactors 1-3. According to geologists, we’re going to be having these big aftershocks for the next year… People are still living in evacuation centers. They’ve been there a month now.

The loss is so devastating. But God’s church is on its feet, bringing supplies, and love, and hope and Jesus. CRASH is getting into full swing, and we have teams of volunteers pouring in from around Japan and overseas. Korean Campus Crusade wants to send 1,500 volunteers! My friends from Tokyo Christian University (where I studied abroad) are in Sendai as we speak. Kamizoku, the friends I went to Ishinomaki with are still making their daily runs to bring supplies to love on and serve those who have suffered such great loss.

This is not over yet!

I would do anything to be able to be up there right now, but God has decided that I am here, so here I am. I felt like God was telling me to stay in Japan over the summer before all this went down, and know I know why.

I had a welcome/farewell party for the staff at one of my junior highs, because April is the beginning of the Japanese academic year. I hadn’t seen everyone in a few weeks, because I was up north, and working in the Board of Education. When my teachers found out that I went to the effected area, they asked me to talk about my experience my first class back.

I’m super excited to be able talk about this stuff with my kids! I’m going to show them the video my friend made of our trip to Ishinomaki, and then hopefully have a discussion (which could very end up me monologuing… because Japanese students aren’t good at expressing their opinions), about HOPE and LOVE! What Japan needs right now…

So pray for me! That I would be able to encourage my students and pour love into their hearts in some way.

Mistakes, mistakes, mistakes

I wrote this right when I got back Yokkaichi about 2 weeks ago, and forgot to post it.

I’m back in Yokkaichi. Back to work. Back to “normal life.”

My students are still on spring break, so I’m “working” in the Board of Education. I finished the work I was supposed to do all week in about 3 hours, and none of my coworkers have much to do either, so we are strategically wasting time while having to put on a façade that we are “working.”

What I wouldn’t give to be hanging out with people in Tohoku!!! The need is still so great. And here I sit… literally doing nothing. It really sucks. I have woken up each morning since I have been back with a heavy burden to pray for Tohoku. Some of my non-Christians friends think that prayer is an excuse not to act… I don’t think so. Before we act, as we act, after the opportunity to act gone, we come before the throne of God most high. “He is sovereign, so why should we ask him to do something?” I have been asked.

But life comes with seasons, and here I am… and the cherry blossoms are finally starting to bloom. There is something really magical about spring coming after winter…something I feel I am experiencing for the first time, having lived in SoCal my whole life. The stars were abnormally bright last night, and the parks have lanterns lighting up the cherry blossoms, so I took myself for a walk, and sat in the park staring up at the flowers. The lantern light hitting all of the different layers of branches and blossoms, swirling in the wind, highlighted against the deep black sky, looked almost like a galaxy, and came with a strange sense of vertigo.

Despite the beauty of spring, the season of cultural adjustment I am in is…well…exactly like a game I played in college.

In one of my Intercultural Studies Classes classes at Biola, Interpersonal and Intercultural Adjustment, the professor broke us into groups, gave us a deck of cards, and a paper with instructions on how to play the game. After we read the directions, the professor took them away. We were not allowed to talk at all, and at the end of each round, the winner from each group was to move groups. The games started to get messy, and I quickly noticed that the rules given to each group were different. Some people thought they were winning, according to the rules they read, but in the new group they were playing with, they were actually loosing.

Story of my life the last few weeks… I thought I was winning. I thought that I was doing well, making friends, and being a positive influence. WRONG!

The Japanese calligraphy teacher I am learning from was super, super, super angry with me a few weeks ago… I had no idea what I had done. She blatantly ignored me the whole class, and was giving me dirty looks… I finally got an explanation from the lady that hosts the class… Another elderly lady in the class had invited me over to her house, because I live across the street from her, and I had accepted the invitation and went. From my American perspective, I didn’t do anything wrong. However, in Japanese cultural hierarchy, it’s the job of everyone lower ranking to make sure that the higher ranking person feels happy, comfortable, and like they are everyone’s favorite. “You can’t be friends with everyone. Japan is a small country, and so are our hearts. If you want to be friends with everyone, you have to be sneaky about it. You can’t talk openly about the fact that you went to Mrs. S’s house. It’s not really your fault, cause Ms. S is the one who keeps bringing it up, but you have to learn to dodge her comments, and bring the conversation back to focus on the teacher,” I was told. I never would have guessed that going to my neighbor’s house would be such a big deal! I thought I was winning… but NOPE! WRONG! Definitely loosing…

I was supposed to visit my host family in Tokyo during my spring break. Then my fam decided that it wasn't a good idea to go to Tokyo just to play, with the current nuclear situation as it is. I was also advised against going just to visit by my teachers, because I would be putting a drain on the already diminished resources in Tokyo. Then I had the change to go volunteer, which changes all of the reasoning keeping me from going to Tokyo. I texted my host mom once I was in Tokyo to tell her I was volunteering ask if I could visit before I came back to Yokkaichi. She said yes, and my schedule changed a bit, so I asked if I could change the day to visit. She said no, so I went on the prearranged day… I was expecting a warm reception, especially after having been volunteering. But, when I got there, I got the coldest reception I have ever experienced… my host mom opened the door, and then took off up the stairs, saying “you know you should really think about other people’s feelings!!!” No matter how many times I apologized, I felt the wrath of the angry Japanese host mom the whole time I was there… I went to volunteer, and thought I was winning… but NOPE! WRONG! Definitely loosing…

BUT I’m pretty sure every cross-cultural worker goes through a season like this… And I am learning. Thinking. Analyzing. Asking advice from those who have been here longer than me. Consulting my Japanese friends. There is grace enough to cover all my failures, all my mistakes, and all my oversights. Hopefully I will be able to mend the relationships I have strained… to show love in a way that makes sense in Japan.

But everything is not fail. My God loves me. I have friends in this city, so:

So hello spring! Hello cherry blossoms. Hello tsunamis. Hello cultural mistakes. Hello long, pointless days in the board of education. Hello growing up. Hello hope!

Ishinomaki Video

Here is the other piece of the video from Ishinomaki

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1S5kez9arYE&feature=channel_video_title

Documentary from Ishinomaki

My friend Ian made a documentary when we went up to Ishinomaki. Here is part one.

http://news.discovery.com/human/after-the-tsunami-to-be-alive-is-enough-110328.html

The video speaks for itself, so I wont comment on it...


If you want to donate directly to this group, here is their link.

http://sunriseministries.tripod.com/id5.html


I've finished working at CRASH, and am going to spend a day and a half with my host family before heading back to work on Friday (I was supposed to spend this whole two weeks with them)... I'm currently at my friend Ian's apartment, hanging out while he is editing the other parts of the video.

I can't believe I have to go back to regular life... it seems so strange when there is so much left to be done here... and I have become part of the relief community here...

Lets keep praying!!!! Our God is good.

Breathe in...Breathe out...

I think I need blog just to process my feelings a bit...

March has kinda been a month from hell... with all sorts of losses (like my favorite teacher getting transferred to another school and some of my students graduating and other friends moving out of the city).

And then my beloved Japan gets hit my a earthquake, tsunami, and is now getting radiated...

And I'm in the middle of trying to help the situation, and am so thankful for getting to help! But have had a ton of responsibility thrown at me, which I am not quite sure I can handle... for example, I am only working with CRASH two more days, and I have been asked to assess and analyze what holes we have in our current way of operating and try to figure out solutions before I go... I guess the guy in charge of our department thinks I'm capable and need to do it before I leave... I think I'm 23 and clueless... but I'll take a stab at it! Please pray that God would give me wisdom and endurance. The office situation has been quite stressful the last few days as we are moving forward; feels kind of like building this organization from the ground up -- given the magnitude of the situation, and there are so many unknowns and so much information to try to process... BUT two of the teams I've gotten to have a part in sending out are leaving tomorrow morning, so that is exciting! The whole thing is feeling a bit overwhelming though. The need is so great...so its scary for me because I feel like if I mess something up it has real consequences on peoples' lives... PRESSURE! AGGHH!!! I'm so willing to keep working tho, its just scary.

I took the day off today, went to church, met up with some friends, took a walk in the park... It was really strange experiencing normal life a bit after so much focus has been on the disaster. There were kids playing soccer in the park. Shibuya (downtown Tokyo) was as bustling as ever. The sun was shining, the plum trees are blossoming. It was really nice to remember that in some places, life is still pretty normal... but in Tohoku, everything is anything but normal... So as my heart craves a bit of normalcy and stability for myself, my heart craves it for Tohoku as well...

Its easy to ask why this happened. Some people are saying its God's judgement on Japan... I think they're morons. Luke 9, a village rejects Jesus, and Jesus' disciples want to call down fire to destroy the city, and Jesus rebukes them... Jesus declares that if we have seen him, we have seen the father. Our Lord Jesus, full of compassion, mercy, grace and love... How much his heart must break for the suffering in Tohoku!!! I'm not saying there will never be judgement, Jesus makes it very clear that there will be on the last day, but I'm pretty sure that is not what is happening now.

I've been spending a lot of time in Romans 8 this past month... read through it if you have time. It makes it so clear that famine, and disaster, and persecution and the like are clearly part of our lives, but we should not despair, because nothing can separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus. How do we know that God loves us? Because of Jesus. Because of the cross. How do we know that God loves Tohoku? Because of Jesus. Because of the cross. Also, Romans 8 tell of how creation itself is waiting for redemption, because it has been taken down with the fall of man as well.... Redemption--freedom from the bondage to decay... freedom from earthquakes, tsunamis, and even nuclear radiation!

So that's where I am at right now... watching my heart quake a bit as Japan is quaking. But my God is faithful!!!!!

BUT it is almost spring. Spring is a time of new beginnings in Japan. Time for the cherry blossoms to bloom. Time for the new school year to start. Time for chapter two of my life in Japan. Time for a new season for Japan.

Keep praying for those in Tohoku!!!!! I feel pretty selfish even writing this blog, cause it sounds like I am asking for pity, as I am sitting in a warm room in a friends house on a full stomach, and am about to go take a warm bath... And even if I was sitting in mud with my house washed away by a tsunami, I really have everything because I have Jesus. Pray for Tohoku.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation (tsunamis and earthquakes included!!), will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Rom. 8:38-39

PS. Here is the link to a video the friends I went to Ishinomaki with made.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZSD9y4grZ0&sns=fb

There and Back Again：Ishinomaki...

Well friends,

I've gone to the Tsunami area, and come back again. When I was in Mie, I was scared of coming to Tokyo. When I was in Tokyo, I was scared of going to Tohoku. Now that I have gone and come, I feel a bit silly for all of the hype I felt around my trip up north. Don't get me wrong, the situation is just as heart wrenching and dire as I thought it would be, but my part in it is just so small... Now that I've been there I feel so stupid for worrying about myself at all.

Ishinomaki:
Cars tossed around like toys. Cars stacked on top of each other. Cars folded completely around street light poles. Cars in houses. Boats on the tops of roofs. Boats on roads miles inland. Roofs that are no where near whatever house they came from. Mountains of rubble that used to be homes. Feet of mud and sludge covering everything... It's really surreal.

We spent the day yesterday in Ishinomaki, about an hour and a half north of Sendai. Ishinomaki has some of the worst conditions right now. If you go father north, there was less time between the earthquake and tsunami, so there was less time for people to evacuate... meaning that there are a lot less evacuees, because everyone and everything in the coastal towns were washed out to sea. Ishinomaki has thousands of refugees, all living in evacuation centers in schools. Some people are living in the second stories of their homes (while the first stories are filled with mud and debris and cars) because the living conditions in the evacuation centers are not the best... its not home... its dirty and crowded.

We left from Tokyo around midnight with two two ton trucks full of supplies, and a van pack with supplies in the back and people in the front. It was snowing when we left Tokyo, but the weather cleared up as we drove, and we actually had really nice weather yesterday.

We spent the morning driving around different evacuation sights dropping off supplies. I walked into the first evacuation center, and right by the door was a big piece of butcher paper that said "希望" "hope". It was surrounded by notes that people wrote saying things like ”一人ではありません” "we are not in this alone." I unloaded a car load of caned soup with a 6 year old boy Japanese boy who was determined to help with everything. I was carrying out a huge pile of garbage with him later, and he looked at me and smiled and said, "Isn't take out garbage fun!!!" This is a 6 year old boy who is living in an evacuation center who has lost his house, all of his toys, normal life. He definitely taught me a thing or two about attitude!

We spent a lot of the day working at a school clearing the parking lot of all the debris and mud the tsunami left, so that they will be able to get vehicles in to the parking lot, and clean out the school, to use it for the relief effort for the mean time, and so that they can hopefully get the school opened again eventually. You can see the water lines on all the buildings, and in the school you can see how high the water came, because there are pine needles and branches and mud all the way up the the second story.

The people we were cleaning the school with were the TEACHERS! And they were there to clean because they were at WORK! The principal told us to take an hour lunch break, and he told the teachers that they could have Saturday and Sunday off to rest! Its a total disaster zone, and the teachers are still at work! Two of the girls that were cleaning there had just graduated on March 1st. One of the girls house got flooded in the tsunami, but her grandmothers house was ok, so they are staying there. The other girl had the water come right up to the bottom of her house, and then go back out, so their house was undamaged. They girls were both in good spirits. It was interesting talking about their plans for the future... one of them was planning on going to nursing school, but she did know if the school existed anymore. One of the guys I was with is making a documentary, I'll give you the link when its done. We asked the people if they had any message they wanted the wold to know, they said that Japanese people are strong and resourceful, and if we band together with each other, and with the rest of the world, and work hard, we will get out of this.

Despair, however, is seen a lot more among the thousands of elderly who have been affected by the tsunami. They feel like they won't see things restored to normal in their lifetime... and it is going to take years, so they are probably right. :(

Japans defense force 自衛隊 is doing a kick ass job up there! I really respect them！！ Clearing out roads. Cooking meals for refugees. Trucking in supplies. Love those guys!

For those of your who are involved in the relief effort through other organizations, the main thing the evacuees are requesting right now is socks and underwear. The food situation seems to be ok for the moment in Ishinomaki.

Only being there a day, I really felt like I hardly made a dent in anything...there is so much to be done... its going to take years to get this all cleaned up...

I'm sure I will be processing everything that I saw for the next few weeks, if not for the next few months... its pretty intense.

I was back in the CRASH office today. I've finally been able to move from processing and responding to mass amounts of emails and volunteer applications, to actually working with the teams that are getting sent out in the next few days, making sure that we have all their info, and they have all the info that they need to be able to go, so it feels good to be a bit more connected to everything, even while I am in the office.

One of my friends from home is here with a team (they were scheduled to come to Japan before everything went down), and they prayed for me tonight, and I feel like a new person... My God is so good to be and so sweet to me despite all of my shortcomings and failures. His grace is enough for me today. His love is enough for Tohoku.

Please keep praying for everyone in Tohoku! And for the work of Kamizoku, my friends I went to Ishinokai with. And for Crash, as we try to do your best to with this mess of a situation.

PS. Here is the link for some pics from yesterday from my friends camera. http://www.flickr.com/photos/sunriseinternationalministries/
I'm not downloading any till I get back to Yokkaichi, I didn't bring my card reader up here.

LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

Is on her way to Sendai...

Just to put things into perspective for you back home in the US... Japan has suffered five times the devastation as hurricane Katrina. And all of Japan is the size of California.

I woke up this morning to my alarm clock and another earthquake...just another day in Tokyo!

Last night I got a text from my friends that have been running supplies into Sendai that I am on the team to go tonight, and to bring my sleeping bag, cause they were going to have me stay for a while. One of the places they have been dropping supplies said that they could use some volunteers, so I guess that is me! We're taking two two ton trucks, and a van tonight, all packed full of goods. I'm not sure when I will be back, except for in time to go back to work on the 1st, so if you don't hear from me before then, don't worry.

I was a little uncertain about going, cause I definitely don't want to be in this for my own glory, and I wasn't sure if I would be more help staying at the base and working in the office. But today I had a team of 8 working with me in my section of Volunteer Coordination, as we totally finished everything! I got to leave at 5pm instead of 9ish. I'm not sure if I would have much to do if I stayed.

One of my good friends from my YWAM days is working in translation at CRASH, and she pulled me aside to pray for me before I left today. I feel so insufficient to do anything in the face of such great disaster, but she reminded me of WHO MY GOD IS! And who I am as his daughter. Yes, I can bring supplies. But Japan needs so much more than supplies. Japan needs HOPE!! And I have that. I have that for myself. I have that for Tohoku, because of WHO MY GOD IS. Because of Jesus.

I've never experienced destruction like I am about to experience, so please pray that God would strengthen my heart to handle it well, and be able to bring light and hope and not get overwhelmed by the loss and pain.

If you want to check out the website for the crew I'm running with tonight, here are the links.

Japanese:
http://kamizoku.posterous.com/
English:
http://kamizoku.wordpress.com/

Prayer Requests:
For the people in Tohoku
That God would use us as we go!
That we would bring hope and Jesus to those we meet.
Protection as we travel, on the roads, from the nuclear stuff, etc.
Ability to hear God's voice and follow his direction
For the conversations I have with people. That I could bring hope.
Continued generosity towards those who have lost so much.

Nuclear Update:
I haven't been watching the news at all today, but my friends just told me that their is radiation in the tap water in some areas of Tokyo now... not enough to harm adults, but its over the safe levels for small children... but I'm not glowing yet!!!! And honestly, staying here is less radiation that you would get on an overseas flight, so all those who ran are actually getting more than me!!
I have been sorting through the volunteer offers in the CRASH office, and I had one Swiss guy email me today and offer to come trade out one of the workers in the nuclear plant so they could go home to their families. Now that's sacrifice. Makes what I'm doing look like a cake walk.

LOVE YOU ALL!!!

Crash Command Center: DAY 4 (in progress)

Day 4 since I have been at the Crash Command Center...

Day 11 since the earthquake, tsunami, and nuclear issue started...

The news has moved onto Lybia... And my fear is that the world will forget. Forget the 21,000 dead or missing. Forget the 250,000 evacuees. Forget the devastation that has befallen this nation.

Four days after the Haiti quake, 120 million dollars had been donated. Four days after Japan, only 5 million... The world sees Japan as a wealthy country... but loosing everything means loosing everything. 21,000 dead or missing. 250,000 evacuees.

On another note, things are moving along quite well at CRASH. I'm still working in Volunteer Coordination.

I've been spending every evening with a group that is running supplies into Sendai everyday. We gather together at night and pray before they make their nightly run. I'm probably going with on Thursday.

There are cool stories coming back from the field. One story: One pastor drove around and picked up all his church members from their houses in his church van during the tsunami warning, and took them to the church, which was on higher ground. All of their homes were washed away, but they were all ok! CRASH was able to get them supplies, and they were super thankful, cause they have been living in the church with nothing since the tsunami. People are still getting found and rescued, amidst all the death and destruction.

It's been super cool to see how God has networked his people. Crash's media manager walks over and asks me if I can get so and so on the phone, so I pull out my cell, and BAM! I get a call from Germany later that evening, and my friend asks if I happen to know the so and so family (who are running supplies to Sendai), and I say, "yeah, I'm at their house" and pass over the phone." BAM! I've processed a ton of volunteer applications from people I know, and seen a bunch of others walk through the door here. It's totally like one big family!!!

Please keep praying for us!!!!!!!! I'm in the office processing data, trying to find people who have two ton trucks, trying to find people with licenses for the trucks, trying to find teams of volunteers in the area ready to go, trying to respond to the masses of emails we have been getting...etc. So I don't have any exciting first hand stories, but stuff is happening!!!

Please please please PLEASE keep praying and keep donating!!!!!

LOVE YOU GUYS~! <3

Crash Command Center: DAY 3 (in progress)

Well friends...I've made it two day three! And I'm not glowing yet!!

General update on the situation in Japan:

Samaritan's Purse is sending a plane full hundreds of tons of supplies to Sendai Airport. CRASH is sending up vehicles to receive and distribute the supplies.

Nuclear Situation: Yep... its still happening. Keep praying for those working at the plant and those in charge.

They are starting to get electricity to some of the places up north. Sendai has about 60% now.

They just pulled an elderly woman and her grandson out of the rubble of their home after being trapped for 10 days! They got trapped next to the fridge, YAY!

CRASH currently has quite a few teams in the quake/tsunami area, and are in the process of setting up base camps that will serve as centers to base teams and distribute supplies.

The situation is still incredibly dire for those in the evacuation sites. There are miles and miles of lines every time there is a rumor that a convenient store is going to open. There are tons of elderly, families, disabled people, etc, without proper supplies.

Story!!!
I know a family back in the US who has been saving money to re-floor their house for years, and had finally saved the money to be able to do it. The floor is in pretty dire need of being redone. But instead of a new floor, the family donated all of the money to help those who have lost everything...entire homes, their families, their business, hope. PEOPLE! That's what the kingdom of God looks like. That's what it looks like to give till it hurts. That's what it looks like to store up treasure in heaven. Anyone wanna out do them?

ME:
Its my third day working at the CRASH command center. I'm working in Volunteer Coordination, which means I'm currently overseeing a team of 6 other volunteers who are helping me process and sort through people who have volunteered to come help, in order to put together teams to send into the earthquake/tsunami area. Its a bit stressful, and very computer intensive, but almost exactly what I did when I worked at my old job at 3E Company, so thank you Joe Dolan for preparing me for this!!

I've been hanging out with a smaller group in the evenings (not related to Crash) who have been making daily runs into Sendai to truck in supplies. They leave in the middle of the night, arrive in the morning, drop off the supplies and love on people and help out all day, and then drive back at night (in order to not stay their too long and drain supplies, and to come back and pick more stuff up). The pictures and stories are heartbreaking. The same people have been making most of the runs, so they are pretty tired! Which means they are probably going to let some of us women folk make a run on Thursday or Friday. After being in the office 12 hours a day, I think it will be really nice to get my hands dirty.

PRAY FOR US!!!!!!
Efficiency!!
Clarity of thought!!
Protection from radiation!!
Ability to move goods, and info quickly to those who need them!

PRAY FOR JAPAN!!!!!!!!!!!! May many receive help, hope and the LOVE of JESUS!

Crash Command Center: DAY 1 (in progress)

I'm currently in the Crash Command Center, which is packed to capacity with a ton of people working their butts off to see the people in Tohoku taken care of. ITS SOOOO GOOD TO BE HERE!! I feel so much better being here than being in Mie. It feels so right.

What may day has looked like:

Awesome bullet train ride, cuddled up with God and took a really nice nap, and saw beautiful Mt. Fuji covered with snow out the window! God always spoils me with amazing beauty whenever I think I am about to "sacrifice" for Him. :)

Met up with my dear friend Chika at Shinjuku Station and headed over to the Command Center in Higashikurume. We have had a great time catching up, encouraging each other, praying for each other, and crying together.

We roll into the command center, and they have us working within 5 minutes. Chika has been doing translation all day, and I fell into a semi-leadership position in the volunteer coordination department. We're sending out another team of 6 Japanese nationals tomorrow morning, and moving a bunch of supplies, as well as sending in some member from a deaf church in the near future, because there is a group of deaf people at the Sendai evacuation center waiting for them. I have been processing a TON of emails, and helping to devise strategies and plans of actions to manage the influx of requests to volunteer. We're going to have different people coming in to volunteer each day, and because I am here for two weeks, I get to be in charge of them in my little area of the process.

My chances of getting to go to Ground Zero look like -500% right now. But I think its ok, cause I'm actually being really useful here. Getting to draw on a lot of previous work and school experience to make this happen. And they are trying to send in as many nationals as they can to do the relief work, for stints of two weeks at a time, so I'm out on both accounts. (so those of you who are worried about me, be UNworried, cause I'm not going anywhere near the power plant).

Tokyo feels a bit empty, with power outages and closed stores and the like, people are just out and about less. BUT it feels really normal! Everyone is just working really hard to take care of what needs to be taken care of. All of the nuclear freak out feels like such hype now that I am here! No, I haven't melted yet, and no, I am not going to have cancer from this, the levels here are super super negligible.

I got to see a bunch of friends today at the center!!! Nobuko, my translator from when I was in YWAM in 2005, Kevin, my friend from my church in LA who just flew in to help, Paul Nethercott, who works very closely with the Biola film department making films in Japan, and is currently our press manager.

There was a 6.1 quake off of the coast of Fukushima about 30 mins ago. We felt it pretty good here, and their was a brief tsunami warning, but it was taken away rather quickly. PRAISE GOD!!

Prayer requests:
#1 For the people in Tohoku.
#2 For the teams going out
#3 For the nuclear power plant to get resolved. The guy in charge is a Christian, so pray for him!!
#4 The earth to calm down! Earth quakes, weather, etc.
#5 That God would bless and direct the work we do here at Crash.
#6 I'm going to be working 11 hours a day, for the next 11 days, so for stamina and clarity of though! And for my body, cause I will be on a computer most of these hours, and you all know my back sucks...

Tokyo (or Tohoku) or Bust!!!

Hello friends!

As most of you know, most Americans are currently trying to run as far away from Fukushima as they can...

I however, am running the other direction tomorrow morning.

I'm heading up north to volunteer with the organization CRASH, which is currently the only NGO on the ground runny supplies into the incredibly devastated Tohoku region. I'm sure you are all watching the news, so you know very well how dire the situation is.

There is a chance I might be going into Tohoku itself, but for now, it doesn't look likely. The team I was going to go with isn't coming back till April 4th, and I have to work in Mie-Prefecture (central Japan) on the 1st. It looks like I will be working in CRASH's office in Saitama Prefecture (northern Tokyo), helping to coordinate and organize the teams that are being sent in. The office staff is very overwhelmed with the amount of stuff that needs to be done, so hopefully I can be a help.

I feel very strongly that this is what God is calling me to for this season. The verse that I have been given over and over is from Ester, "For such a time as this." God put me in Japan right now, has given me this people to love, and have given me two weeks of spring break. I'll be damned if I sit on my butt here where it is safe because I'm scared of some potential danger when people are dying and there is something I can do about it. Jesus tells us that to follow him we must deny ourselves, take up our cross and follow him. He also tells us that if we seek to save our life, we will loose it, and if we choose to loose our lives for his sake, we will find it. To love is to sacrifice, because we are to love as Jesus loved us.

I'm about 500% sure I'll be totally fine. I'm This isn't the first time God has send me into a dangerous area (Beirut in summer '06 etc.), and the question he always asks me, which he asked me again today, is "Will you trust me?" How can I answer anything but "YES! HERE I AM! SEND ME!"

And today was full of assurances that this is what I am supposed to be doing in this season. CRASH told me that they need help, and would love my assistance, but I had to figure out my own housing, because they didn't have time for it. I was planning on going up tomorrow morning, working for the day, and then figuring out where to stay later. However, I got call from one of my friends in Tokyo this morning saying that she heard I was going, and wanted to come with me for the weekend to help. I was so excited to have her come with, but I told her we didn't have a place for us to stay. Later I got a text from her saying a Biola ICS alum that she is friends with lives three stations down from the command center, and we are welcome to stay there. I had to ask my parents permission, of course, and they both gave me their blessing to go. (PROPS TO MY PARENTS! When everyone else's parents are telling them to leave the country, I get permission to get closer to the mess!! MOM and DAD, you are the BEST!!!). I also had to tell my boss I was going to Tokyo...and I was kinda freaking out about it, becuase I was pretty sure she was going to say NO WAY! But she gave me her blessing right away and thanked me for being willing to serve her people. NICE! LOVE MY BOSS! And I've been finding out I'll be seeing more and more of my friends at the headquarters tomorrow than I expected! An added comfort, for such a time as this.

SO in the course of the day, everything has fallen into place! I've got a bag packed full of supplies (the shelves in Tokyo are pretty bare), and a envelope full of money to donate, and I'm on the 6:08 train tomorrow morning!

Some of you might be wondering what you can do...

PRAY PRAY PRAY!!!! Pray for:
*Those in Tohoku who are suffering immensely right now
*CRASH and government relief efforts. Especially for the teams that are currently out in Tohoku. Traveling mercy especially, the only road open takes you 40 kilometers from the nuclear reactor.
*Weather to clear up (they have blizzardish weather up there right now)
*That I would be helpful and effective in the office, or whatever I end up doing. Traveling mercy and safety for me as well. And ability to sleep. I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared at all, and my nerves weren't on edge, cause they are. But I am choosing to trust. Pray I would be able to!
*Saturday (Sunday Japan time) many churches in Japan will be fasting and gathering to pray at midnight sat (7pm sunday Japan time). Feel free to join us!

DONATE!!! DONATE!!! DONATE!!!!!!!!!!!
*you can give directly to crash online (the link is on the right of the homepage).
http://www.crashjapan.com/

I encourage you to give until it hurts! I have had friends give me a hundred dollars to take up, and I have had friends give me their pocket change...which they won't even know is missing. GIVE UNTIL IT HURTS! Love requires action! These are PEOPLE we are talking about. I know its hard to believe that this is real, because the situation is so crazy, but each one of the numbers of dead and missing are PEOPLE, and each one in evacuation centers are real PEOPLE. They've had everything taken from them, lets see what we can do to give them HOPE, FOOD, WATER, SHELTER, CLOTHING, COMFORT and LOVE!

I'll try to keep you updated every few days, or before I leave if I am going to Tohoku (which is like 99% probably not happening, I'm pretty sure I will just be in the office the next two weeks).

THANKS FOR STANDING WITH ME ON THIS FRIENDS!!!! Know I love you! And know that are GOD is BIG and GOOD and LOVING, and is going to take care of me, whatever that looks like.

<3