Mistakes, mistakes, mistakes

I wrote this right when I got back Yokkaichi about 2 weeks ago, and forgot to post it.

I’m back in Yokkaichi. Back to work. Back to “normal life.”

My students are still on spring break, so I’m “working” in the Board of Education. I finished the work I was supposed to do all week in about 3 hours, and none of my coworkers have much to do either, so we are strategically wasting time while having to put on a façade that we are “working.”

What I wouldn’t give to be hanging out with people in Tohoku!!! The need is still so great. And here I sit… literally doing nothing. It really sucks. I have woken up each morning since I have been back with a heavy burden to pray for Tohoku. Some of my non-Christians friends think that prayer is an excuse not to act… I don’t think so. Before we act, as we act, after the opportunity to act gone, we come before the throne of God most high. “He is sovereign, so why should we ask him to do something?” I have been asked.

But life comes with seasons, and here I am… and the cherry blossoms are finally starting to bloom. There is something really magical about spring coming after winter…something I feel I am experiencing for the first time, having lived in SoCal my whole life. The stars were abnormally bright last night, and the parks have lanterns lighting up the cherry blossoms, so I took myself for a walk, and sat in the park staring up at the flowers. The lantern light hitting all of the different layers of branches and blossoms, swirling in the wind, highlighted against the deep black sky, looked almost like a galaxy, and came with a strange sense of vertigo.

Despite the beauty of spring, the season of cultural adjustment I am in is…well…exactly like a game I played in college.

In one of my Intercultural Studies Classes classes at Biola, Interpersonal and Intercultural Adjustment, the professor broke us into groups, gave us a deck of cards, and a paper with instructions on how to play the game. After we read the directions, the professor took them away. We were not allowed to talk at all, and at the end of each round, the winner from each group was to move groups. The games started to get messy, and I quickly noticed that the rules given to each group were different. Some people thought they were winning, according to the rules they read, but in the new group they were playing with, they were actually loosing.

Story of my life the last few weeks… I thought I was winning. I thought that I was doing well, making friends, and being a positive influence. WRONG!

The Japanese calligraphy teacher I am learning from was super, super, super angry with me a few weeks ago… I had no idea what I had done. She blatantly ignored me the whole class, and was giving me dirty looks… I finally got an explanation from the lady that hosts the class… Another elderly lady in the class had invited me over to her house, because I live across the street from her, and I had accepted the invitation and went. From my American perspective, I didn’t do anything wrong. However, in Japanese cultural hierarchy, it’s the job of everyone lower ranking to make sure that the higher ranking person feels happy, comfortable, and like they are everyone’s favorite. “You can’t be friends with everyone. Japan is a small country, and so are our hearts. If you want to be friends with everyone, you have to be sneaky about it. You can’t talk openly about the fact that you went to Mrs. S’s house. It’s not really your fault, cause Ms. S is the one who keeps bringing it up, but you have to learn to dodge her comments, and bring the conversation back to focus on the teacher,” I was told. I never would have guessed that going to my neighbor’s house would be such a big deal! I thought I was winning… but NOPE! WRONG! Definitely loosing…

I was supposed to visit my host family in Tokyo during my spring break. Then my fam decided that it wasn't a good idea to go to Tokyo just to play, with the current nuclear situation as it is. I was also advised against going just to visit by my teachers, because I would be putting a drain on the already diminished resources in Tokyo. Then I had the change to go volunteer, which changes all of the reasoning keeping me from going to Tokyo. I texted my host mom once I was in Tokyo to tell her I was volunteering ask if I could visit before I came back to Yokkaichi. She said yes, and my schedule changed a bit, so I asked if I could change the day to visit. She said no, so I went on the prearranged day… I was expecting a warm reception, especially after having been volunteering. But, when I got there, I got the coldest reception I have ever experienced… my host mom opened the door, and then took off up the stairs, saying “you know you should really think about other people’s feelings!!!” No matter how many times I apologized, I felt the wrath of the angry Japanese host mom the whole time I was there… I went to volunteer, and thought I was winning… but NOPE! WRONG! Definitely loosing…

BUT I’m pretty sure every cross-cultural worker goes through a season like this… And I am learning. Thinking. Analyzing. Asking advice from those who have been here longer than me. Consulting my Japanese friends. There is grace enough to cover all my failures, all my mistakes, and all my oversights. Hopefully I will be able to mend the relationships I have strained… to show love in a way that makes sense in Japan.

But everything is not fail. My God loves me. I have friends in this city, so:

So hello spring! Hello cherry blossoms. Hello tsunamis. Hello cultural mistakes. Hello long, pointless days in the board of education. Hello growing up. Hello hope!